If dating were like boating, many singles today are drifting without direction—jumping aboard without a destination, letting the tides of emotion or culture determine their course. But when you’re a Christian seeking not just connection, but God-honoring love, you don’t get in the boat just to float aimlessly around. You bring a map, a compass, and an anchor. You’re dating with intention.
Intentional dating is like setting sail with clarity. You don’t need to know exactly who you’ll end up with before you leave the dock—but you do need to know where you’re going: toward marriage, toward unity, toward a relationship rooted in Christ.
Why We Date with Direction
In the world’s eyes, dating is often about fun, companionship, or chemistry. But Christian dating asks something deeper:
“Can I build a Christ-centered life with this person?”
“Are they the kind of partner who reflects the love of Christ?”
As people anchored in faith, we date not to simply pass time or soothe loneliness, but to explore whether someone’s values, character, and calling align with ours—and more importantly, with God’s.
We’re not looking for perfection, but we are looking for fruit. Ephesians 5 gives us a clear picture of the kind of husband who loves as Christ loves the Church—with selflessness, spiritual leadership, and strength in humility. And Proverbs 31 reminds us that a godly woman is clothed with dignity, wisdom, and compassion.
These aren’t checklists—they’re guideposts. They help us identify what truly matters in a partner, and how we’re growing ourselves.
Conversations That Matter
Intentional dating means having real conversations early—not to rush things, but to avoid wasting time. Some key questions to explore might include:
- What’s your testimony? How did you come to faith in Christ?
- Who are your anchors—your church community, your mentors, your family?
- What kind of relationship are you praying for? What’s your vision for marriage?
- How do you understand and live out biblical love? (See: 1 Corinthians 13)
- Are you pursuing the fruit of the Spirit in your life? (Galatians 5:22–23)
These aren’t date-three topics. These are date-one clarity builders. When you know you’re dating toward marriage, it’s wise—not weird—to talk about faith, goals, and vision early on.
Clarity Is Kindness
Being intentional also means being clear and kind when things don’t align. If your faith convictions differ, if one of you isn’t ready for commitment, or if spiritual maturity is unequally yoked—it’s better to speak truth in love than prolong confusion.
Ending a relationship with gentleness and grace is part of what I call leaving someone better than you found them. You’re not ghosting, manipulating, or ghostwriting fantasy versions of what could be. You’re setting both people free to walk faithfully in their callings.
Grounded in Truth, Not Just Spark
In Christian dating, we don’t chase sparks—we cultivate substance. Physical attraction matters, but it’s not the compass. We look first for character:
- Are they patient?
- Are they kind?
- Are they humble, honest, and honoring?
These are the questions we ask as we hold up 1 Corinthians 13 not just to measure them—but to measure ourselves. Dating is not only about discovering others; it’s about becoming the person God has called you to be. That means you too are growing in love, joy, peace, patience, and purpose.
Anchored Dating Looks Like This:
- You set out with direction, not desperation.
- You stay anchored to Scripture, not your feelings.
- You trust the Lighthouse—Jesus—to guide, correct, and calm your storms.
- You keep your heart and standards aligned with God’s Word, even when the sea feels lonely.
You’re not adrift, friend! You’re anchored. And if God has called you to step into dating, He’s not asking you to navigate it alone. Let’s sail with clarity, ask brave questions, and pursue deep love that reflects Christ.
Next up in this series: The True Purpose of Dating — and why it’s not just about you.
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