Have you ever tried sailing through thick fog? And if you haven’t then just set the stage in your mind. A heavy, damp blanket surrounds you and limits your vision. You hear muffled voices—but can’t make out the words. You see vague outlines of boats—but can’t tell which are headed your way and which are drifting aimlessly. That’s what dating can feel like when we’re following the world’s “rules” instead of God’s voice.
Society claims to have mapped the path to successful dating. Yet these maps (lies) quickly lead us into troublesome waters. These lies sound like wisdom and hard earned truths. They are adages that seem universally accepted. But when you’re trying to date with anchored intentions—rooted in Christ and committed to clarity—these so-called maps become more confusing than helpful.
It’s time to clear the fog. Let’s name the lies—and then let’s shine the lighthouse of truth from God’s Word.
Lie #1: “You have to play hard to get.”
AKA “Wait the same amount of time to text back.” or “Don’t be available for another date right away.”
False Map: If you’re too available, they won’t respect you—so create distance and mystery.
Truth: Playing games fosters insecurity, not love. Healthy relationships are built on honesty and mutual effort. You don’t need to be distant to be desirable—you need to be sincere to be trustworthy.
Authentic communication should never be ruled by fear or pride. This rule is meant to protect your pride, to “not seem too eager.” Be honest, kind, and timely. You’re not playing chess—you’re building trust.
“Having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
Ephesians 4:25, ESV
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:4, ESV
Lie #2: “Wait three days before reaching out.”
False Map: Culture says it makes you seem more “desirable” if you act detached.
Truth: Games build anxiety, not connection. Clear, respectful follow-ups demonstrate maturity, not desperation.
“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”
Matthew 5:37, ESV
Lie #3: “Keep it vague—just chill, hang out, see where it goes.”
False Map: Vague beginnings supposedly create “low pressure” environments.
Truth: Lack of clarity leads to confusion, not peace. Intentional dating starts with honest expectations. Ambiguity isn’t kind—it’s a foghorn with no direction.
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.”
1 Corinthians 14:33, ESV
Lie #4: “You must only date one person at a time—or else you’re doing it wrong.”
False Map: Either side of this argument can become legalistic.
Truth: Scripture doesn’t prescribe a “number” of people to date—but it does call for honesty, purity, and clarity. Whether you prefer one-at-a-time or are gathering information with multiple first dates, do so with integrity. Clarity is kindness.
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.”
Matthew 7:12, ESV
Lie #5: “If you’re dating, you’re basically a couple—live like it.”
False Map: Culture normalizes emotional over-attachment and physical intimacy early on.
Truth: Dating is a time for discernment, not premature bonding. Sharing beds and merging lives before covenant leads to heartache, not holiness.
“Flee from sexual immorality… You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18–20, ESV
Lie #6: “If you don’t find someone soon, you’ll end up alone.”
False Map: Scarcity mindset and fear of loneliness drive people to settle or rush.
Truth: You are not waiting to be chosen—you’ve already been chosen by God. Singleness is not a holding pattern—it’s a purposeful harbor where God heals, strengthens, and equips.
“…fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10, ESV
Lie #7: “You need chemistry right away or it’s not meant to be.”
False Map: If sparks don’t fly instantly, the relationship is doomed.
Truth: Emotional and physical chemistry can grow over time. God often builds deep connections through friendship, shared values, and patience—not just instant attraction. Don’t let the world rush your discernment.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.”
1 Corinthians 13:4–5, ESV
Lie #8: “Christian men don’t pursue anymore, so you have to lead everything.”
False Map: If he doesn’t take charge, it’s up to you to move things forward.
Truth: While godly women can show interest, dating shouldn’t feel like dragging someone along. Wait on mutual pursuit and peace. Leadership in relationships isn’t about control—it’s about alignment under Christ.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
Psalm 27:14, ESV
Lie #9: “You’re too old / too inexperienced / too late.”
False Map: If it hasn’t happened by now, it probably won’t.
Truth: God is not in a hurry, and He is never late. His timing is always good. Whether you’re 22 or 52, your worth and purpose in dating are not diminished. You’re not behind—you’re becoming.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11, ESV
Lie #10: “Your standards are too high—just settle a little.”
False Map: If you don’t lower your standards, you’ll end up alone.
Truth: Preferences can be flexible, but values should be non-negotiable. God invites us to be discerning, not desperate. Faith, character, and alignment with God’s design matter more than surface traits.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14, ESV
Addy’s Reflections
When you’re sailing in the open sea of dating, you need true navigation tools—not ones designed for drama or power games. The lighthouse doesn’t flicker based on trends. The compass of God’s Word doesn’t wobble with culture.
Let God be your anchor. Let truth be your map. Let peace be your sail.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Proverbs 3:5–6, ESV
Breakwater Blessings 
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