Let’s dive into what dating really is—especially in the early stages.
Despite what culture often tells us, a first or second date is not about deciding if someone is your future spouse. It’s not about answering, “Are they the one?” It’s so much simpler than that.
Dating—especially early dating—is about collecting data.
Think of it like heading out into open water in your small sailboat. You don’t just push off the dock without checking the weather, your gear, the tides, and the depth of the water. You use your sonar, radar, tide charts, and navigation tools to gather information before deciding if it’s wise to keep going. Dating should work the same way—anchored in faith, guided by the truth of God’s word, and full of discernment.
Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16, ESV). That’s the heart posture here. Not fearful or cynical, but curious and careful. Observant, but open.
First Dates Are Just… First Dates
In Christian circles, we can sometimes make early dates heavier than they need to be. But here’s some freedom for your heart: you’re just figuring out if you want to see this person again. That’s it.
If the vibe is kind, if the conversation flows, if there’s curiosity and respect—you might say yes to another meet-up. If there’s peace, not pressure, you can gently move forward. And as you do, you start to pay attention to what I call green, yellow, and red flags. Like markers on the sea, they help you navigate the waters wisely.
Green Flags – Signs of Safe Passage
Green flags are the character traits that line up with what you’re praying for. These are the calm, clear waters.
They might show up as:
- Kindness to waitstaff
- Being on time
- Asking thoughtful questions
- Speaking about others with grace
- Having a steady walk with the Lord
- Being present, not distracted
- Laughing easily but never at someone’s expense
When you’re spiritually grounded, you notice these. They’re signs that the current may be flowing in the right direction.
“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits…” (James 3:17, ESV)
These traits matter. And the more you see them, the more confident you can feel about continuing to gather data.
Yellow Flags – Proceed With Curiosity
Yellow flags don’t mean stop. They mean pause, ask questions, seek clarity.
They may show up as:
- Tension with family (e.g., estranged from parents)
- Past relationship pain that still feels fresh
- A lack of spiritual rhythm—no church, no accountability
- Inconsistencies in stories or values
These aren’t automatic deal-breakers. But they are worth slowing down for. As any sailor will tell you, when the clouds shift or the tides turn, you study the signs. You check the radar. You don’t ignore the warnings—you seek understanding.
Ask, “Tell me more about that.”
Or, “I’m curious—what’s the story there?”
“The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15, ESV)
God invites us to walk in wisdom—not fear, not suspicion, but Spirit-led curiosity.
Red Flags – Drop the Anchor, Turn the Boat
Red flags are clear indicators to stop. They’re the jagged rocks beneath the surface—dangerous and damaging.
These might include:
- Addictions (drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling)
- Habitual lying or gaslighting
- Rage, disrespect, or emotional manipulation
- No visible fruit of the Spirit
- Overt sexual pressure
Red flags are not “fix me” projects. They’re stop signs. And as men and women anchored in Christ, we don’t apologize for heeding them.
“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33, ESV)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, ESV)
If something causes deep discomfort or compromise, you don’t need to wait six months to find out it’s not healthy. Let peace be your umpire (Colossians 3:15), and if the Holy Spirit says no—trust Him.
Stay Anchored in Jesus, Not Emotions
Here’s one more thing I’ve learned the hard way: don’t rush into spiritual intimacy. Praying together, doing devotionals, sharing deep wounds in prayer—these are beautiful practices but can create false intimacy too soon.
Prayer binds hearts, and your heart is precious. Let someone prove trustworthy before you hand them the coordinates to your soul.
“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (Song of Songs 8:4, ESV)
You have nothing to prove. You are not behind. You are not too old. You are not too late. You are simply gathering data, just like a wise sailor studies the sea before deciding to go further out.
Your Anchor, Your Compass
Jesus is the Captain. The Word is your compass. The Holy Spirit is your radar. Your church and mentors are your lighthouse on the shore.
So stay curious. Stay prayerful. Stay anchored. Jesus is with you.
“…and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;” (Isaiah 33:6, ESV)
And remember—this is not about finding “the one.” It’s about listening to the One who loves you, leads you, and holds you safely in calm waters and through calamitous ones.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;” (Isaiah 43:2, ESV)
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