Anchored Intentions: The Community Dater – Part 7

Your Crew Sees What You Miss

There’s something beautiful—and biblical—about not sailing solo in this dating journey.
In the world of dating, our feelings can steer the ship faster than we realize. After a great date, a hand hold, a warm hug—oxytocin and dopamine flood our brain, the butterflies flutter (or pterodactyls flap) in our tummies, and suddenly we’re shouting, “Full speed ahead!” and revving up the engine without checking the tide charts, radar, or even alerting our flabbergasted crew!

In Jeremiah 17:9, the Lord reminds us:

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

The answer? Jesus understands our hearts. And so do the people who love Jesus, know you, and walk closely with both.
This is where dating in a godly community becomes not just helpful—but holy.

In Mark 6:7–13, we see Jesus sending out the Twelve Apostles to preach the Gospel—and he doesn’t send them solo, he sends them in pairs!

“And he called the twelve and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits.”

Why does he do this? So they’d have someone to share knock knock jokes with when they travelled? No!
Jesus does this for the following reasons:

1. Biblical Witness Required

“Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.”
— Deuteronomy 19:15 (ESV)

Jesus followed the Jewish legal principle that a matter is established by two or more witnesses. By sending disciples two by two, their testimony about the Kingdom and the works of Jesus carried weight, credibility, and authority.

What might your community witness in your dating journey that you may be tempted to overlook?

2. Mutual Encouragement and Accountability

“Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.”
— Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (ESV)

Ministry can be draining, lonely, and discouraging. A partner offers:

• Emotional support when facing rejection
• Encouragement when feeling weary
• Accountability in behavior and message

Swap the word “ministry” for “dating” and the sentiment is the same.
Dating has its storms—who is there to encourage and support you, to speak words of life over you and to pray you through its challenges?

3. Safety in Travel

In the ancient world, roads were dangerous—physically, socially, and spiritually. A companion reduced risk of:

• Theft
• Illness or injury without help
• Temptation or spiritual attack

I once went on a few promising dates with an elegant man who eventually tried to get me to invest thousands in his (vague, not in this country) Bit-Coin business…
and I’d love to say I immediately saw through that…
but I was considering investing!
Because it would be an investment in “us”!

My community spoke to me in honesty and love and wouldn’t stand by to see me swindled.

4. Modeling Community and Unity

Jesus’s mission wasn’t about lone rangers. It was about building the Church—a community rooted in interdependence, not independence.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
— John 13:35 (ESV)

So men, choose a brother and women, choose a sister—and give them the authority to speak into your dating life with honesty and love.

When you do this it means inviting your innermost circle—your A-list faith crew—into the journey.
It means telling them who you’re dating, how you met, what drew you in, and letting them spot any red, yellow, or green flags you might overlook.
It’s like having trusted eyes keeping watch in the crow’s nest while you’re on deck admiring the stars.

Your community may not steer the ship, but they sure can help you avoid hidden reefs.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
— Proverbs 27:6 (ESV)

In other words: real friends speak truth in love, even when it stings.

I’ve lived this. Years ago my crew helped me notice when someone was always “too busy” to see me, even though we spoke daily.
At first, I believed video calls and texts were enough—but they weren’t.
I was clinging to the potential of a connection instead of the reality of one.

My community gently reminded me that someone who truly values you makes time to be with you.
I was able to communicate this need, and he was not able to meet it, so we parted ways.

Another time, I stayed in a relationship where the man I was dating suddenly didn’t have a place to live.
He had a falling out with his roommate and decided he could no longer live there.
He was a nice enough guy and communicative—but also clearly unstable and emotionally dependent.

I felt guilty considering a breakup.
But my sisters in Christ reminded me of God’s design:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
— Proverbs 18:22

Not “she who fixes a man’s life to make him worthy of love.”

And men, I know you can be fixers too! Let your community speak into this tendency to rescue!

Let’s fix our eyes on

“Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
— Hebrews 12:2

Jesus has rescued us!
You can wait upon the Lord to find someone who accepts this rescue from the Lord and lives it out with you—rather than looking to YOU to be the rescuer.

Being a Community Dater doesn’t mean giving your entire social media feed access to your love life.
It means giving someone—your trusted spiritual advisors, mentors, closest friends—the anchor line to tug gently if they sense you drifting off course.

Imagine your boat:
Who’s helping with the sails?
Who’s your lookout in the crow’s nest?
Who’s got the map?

You don’t need a crowd. Just your crew.
The people who pray for you and with you, who love Jesus and love you enough to speak truth with grace.

If you’re navigating something in dating right now—if you’re unsure, stuck, hopeful, or healing—I’d love to pray with you.
I’m not a dating coach or a relationship expert, but I’ve walked this path.
I’ve led single life groups, read many of the books and listened to so so many podcasts.
Most importantly, I’ve sat with Jesus through it all—and I’ve been held up by my people.

You don’t have to date alone.
Drop me a message if you want biblical encouragement, real-talk perspective, or simply someone to say,
“I see you.”

Let’s stay anchored in Christ’s unfailing love.

Love,
Addy ⚓