Dating As a Single Parent – Part 1: Only God Can Fix Our Brokenness

There is a quiet lie that single parents absorb without even realizing it:

Dating is the next step toward “fixing” what life broke.

But I want to say this clearly, gently, and firmly:

Only God can fix our brokenness. (Psalm 147:3)

Whether you are a full-time single parent or sharing custody, you are not “on hold” until romance arrives. You are not incomplete. You are not behind. You are not failing your child because you are not currently partnered. God has entrusted you with a sacred role, and He is not confused about your season.

Dating, then, cannot become the thing we prioritize in order to recreate a family, soothe loneliness, or prove that we are still desirable, chosen, or worthy. Dating must flow from fullness and not from depletion.

I know this because I learned it the hard way.

When I Didn’t Wait Well

Nearly thirteen years ago, after my divorce, I did not wait well. I told myself a year alone was enough time to heal from a difficult eight year marriage. 

It wasn’t. 

At the time my daughter was three years old and the absolute sunshine in my life. And I was determined to find a new husband for me and a father figure for her. 

I didn’t date while she was physically with me, but on the weekends she was with her dad, I filled every empty space. Coffee dates. Walks in the park. Lunch dates. Dinner dates. Museum dates. Even amusement park dates.

Looking back now, I can see what I couldn’t see then. 

I told myself I was “putting myself out there,” but what I was really doing was trying to outrun grief. I hadn’t truly mourned the life I thought I would have. I hadn’t sat with the fear of starting over. I hadn’t allowed God to tend to my heart.

Instead, I kept ridiculously busy and every first date carried a quiet hope: Maybe this one will be the one.

But none of them were. (Thankfully!)

These first dates rarely turned into second dates. No relationships ever formed. Just a cycle of anticipation and disappointment, over and over again. And because I wasn’t healed, because I wasn’t anchored, because I wasn’t guarded, I opened myself up to being lied to, stood up, catfished, gaslighted, and love-bombed.

Some situations were simply exhausting and others were genuinely unsafe.

And slowly, without realizing it, I drifted further from God, not because I stopped believing, but because my attention was scattered. My heart was unguarded. My hope was misplaced.

Even though I kept my daughter completely separate from the men I was dating, she was still affected. She had a mama who was emotionally spent from trying to make connections that were never meant to last and wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn’t. 

Sitting at Jesus’ Feet

It took almost a year of this cycle before I finally stopped.

I remember sitting before the Lord, truly sitting, and crying. Crying over the mess. Crying over the disappointment. Crying over how empty dating had left me. Crying because I was doing all the “right” things and still felt so wrong inside.

What I needed wasn’t another date.
What I needed was silence before the Lord.

“For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.” (Psalm 62:5)

Soon after, I heard a sermon that changed everything. The pastor spoke about using our gifts for the Lord instead of letting them lie dormant. And suddenly it hit me:

I had spent hundreds of hours preparing for dates.
Hours that could have been spent serving.
Worshiping.
Growing.
Healing.

That same weekend, I laid dating down and I picked serving up.

I walked over to the worship leader and asked if I could audition. In true small-church fashion, they auditioned me on the spot. “You’re in! You’ll be backup next week. Here are the songs.”

That tiny step of faith, choosing obedience over distraction, changed the trajectory of my life.

When Fullness Replaces Frenzy

What followed was not a relationship, it was a renewal! 

The hours once spent on dating prep were now poured into prayer, song selection, rehearsals, and ministry.

And what I received in return was something dating had never given me: Joy!

Not the fleeting happiness of attention or pursuit, but the deep, filling joy that comes from walking in alignment with God’s purpose.

As I lifted my voice in worship, God lovingly restored my heart. He healed places I didn’t even realize were wounded. He strengthened my identity. He reminded me that I was already chosen, already loved, already complete in Him.

Only then was I able to begin to wait well.

Anchored First

If you are a single parent reading this, please hear me:

You are not late.
You are not lacking.
You are not behind.

Your calling right now is not to chase love, but to be anchored in God’s love.

Dating done from depletion will always cost you more than it gives. But dating from fullness, from the joy of the Lord, from wholeness in Christ, from a heart that knows it is already held, changes everything.

Seek first the Kingdom. (Matthew 6:33)
Let God tend to you.
Let Him order your steps.

There will be time for dating. There will be time for discernment. But first, be anchored.

Your heart matters.
Your child’s heart matters.
And God is not wasting this season.