What happens if you climb into your boat (metaphorical or actual) and push off from a familiar shoreline or dock without any oars, without a motor? Logically, you’d float. But you wouldn’t end up getting to where you want to be. Floating is not the same as moving forward. A boat without direction might feel relaxing for a while, but without oars, without a rudder, without intention—you drift. And in dating, drifting will almost always leave you shipwrecked.
As Christians, we aren’t called to wander aimlessly in dating. We’re not just filling time, feeding loneliness, or keeping up with the status quo. We’re called to date with purpose. And that purpose? Marriage. Partnership. Kingdom-building companionship.
When Dating Has No Destination
Dating without purpose is like launching a boat with no map, no motor, and no sense of where you’re headed. Maybe you’re just out there “seeing what happens”—but when the winds pick up and the waves get high, you’re left vulnerable and exposed.
If you’re dating just to fight off loneliness, it’s like having blinders on in open water—adrift and unaware of how close you might be to danger. That’s when we start accepting the unacceptable:
- Mistreatment
- Confusion
- Misalignment
- A pause (or derailment) in our journey with Jesus
It’s dangerous not because dating is bad, but because dating without clarity leaves us open to compromise.
Remember what Paul implores the church to consider in Galatians 1:10:
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Ask yourself if your dating glorifies God.
A Faithful Anchor: Dating with the End in Mind
Intentional dating is like setting a course with confidence. You’re not saying, “This is the one.” You’re saying, “I’m dating to find someone who could be the one—with God’s guidance.”
When marriage is the goal, every interaction becomes a tool for discernment:
- Do we share the same vision in faith and for life?
- Are we equally yoked? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
(We will come back to this in a later blog post as this question goes much deeper than, “Do we attend the same kind of church?”) - Does this person embody the love described in 1 Corinthians 13—and am I growing in that love myself? Are they patient? Are they kind?
Dating isn’t a game of checking boxes or finding perfection. It’s an intentional pursuit of shared calling, shared character, and shared commitment.
God calls us to overflow—not settle.
“You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” — Psalm 23:5
Overflowing joy in dating doesn’t mean constant butterflies. It means a grounded hope that—even when things are imperfect—you are with someone who inspires you to grow in Christ, to communicate with grace, to pursue love that reflects the heart of God.
The Dangers of “Good Enough”
Sometimes we date because we’re “supposed to.” Everyone else is dating. Our friends are married. Our families keep asking. So we settle for “good enough.”
But “good enough” is not the same as “God-honoring.” God’s desire is not for your dating life to be tolerable—it’s for it to be transformational.
Jesus didn’t die so we could date halfway. He died so we could love wholly, with purpose and passion, anchored in truth.
Dating should be one of the ways we reflect Jesus in our lives, every day—even in the awkward beginnings of a conversation or the slow unfolding of friendship.
Dating as a Mirror
One of the most surprising purposes of dating? God can use it to purify us. It can become a mirror. Dating shows us where we still need healing, where we need to surrender more, where our old wounds are still shaping our reactions.
In dating, we get the chance to ask:
- Am I patient and kind?
- Do I keep a record of wrongs?
- Do I rejoice in truth or in convenience?
(See 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 again—not just as a checklist for them, but as a self-check for you.)
When we step into dating with God at the center, He gently reveals what needs refining:
- Do I still wrestle with trust?
- Am I holding onto past trauma?
- Am I tempted by lust, anger, insecurity?
- Do I know how to communicate, or am I still afraid to be seen?
These questions aren’t shame-filled—they’re soul-deep. They’re opportunities for the Holy Spirit to work within us, preparing us to love well, to serve well, to choose wisely, and to gently say goodbye to someone when needed.
Purpose Brings Peace
I’ve dated without purpose before. I’ve been on that boat with no oars and no plan. I’ve let loneliness steer me, I’ve ignored red flags, and I’ve stayed when I should have stepped out. But even then, God was gracious—using every heartache, every detour, every wave to teach me how to anchor in Him first.
Dating with purpose doesn’t mean every relationship ends in marriage. But it does mean that every relationship ends in growth, in clarity, in grace. And, by His mercy, that kind of intentionality eventually led me to Jay—my teammate, my answered prayer, and the one I now get to sail through life with.
Final Thought
Dating is not just about finding the right person—it’s about becoming the right person.
It’s about joining Jesus on the deck of your life and asking Him,
“Where are we going, Lord? And who do You want beside me for this journey?”
The purpose of dating is partnership for the mission, not distraction from it. It’s not about social media statuses and cute couple pics with witty captions or trying to assuage how alone we feel. It’s about saying,
“I’m ready to explore—with care, with clarity, and with Christ at the center—if this person is someone I can love sacrificially, serve joyfully, and follow Jesus beside.”
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