Anchored First: Dating as a Single Parent

Do I Have Margin?

Time, Energy, and Capacity as a Single Parent

One of the most loving questions a single parent can ask before dating is not “Do I want to?”- that might be an easy, “Yup!” What’s not to be ready for?! Dressing up, great meals, the excitement of attraction and the possibility of romance! 

I’ll pause while the dream sequence dancing across your thoughts fades away.

No more wavy dream lines? Great! Now ask yourself this instead: “Do I have margin to date?” Replace margin with the words time and energy. 

So honestly, do you have breathing room in your life as a single parent for dating or would it lead to you becoming burnt out by the load you carry?

Don’t mix up your desire to date with your capacity to date.
Don’t confuse your longing to date as readiness.
And just because something is good does not mean it is good for you or your child right now.

As single parents, our lives are already full, beautifully so, but undeniably demanding. We get all the giggles and cuddles from our kiddos, or wry smiles and eye rolls from our teens, but we also get all of their demanding schedules and are responsible for their well being as our gifts from God. 

Our time, energy, emotions, and attention are stewarded not just for ourselves, but for the child or children God has entrusted to us. Dating, therefore, must be approached with wisdom, prayer, and honesty.

Not capriciousness. Not guilt. Not fear.
But stewardship.

Counting the Cost Before You Begin

Jesus tells us:

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”
(Luke 14:28)

Let’s think of dating as building a tower. Let’s sit down with Jesus and estimate the cost before jumping in. Dating is not casual for a single parent, even when intentions are clear. It costs something. It costs time, emotional energy, focus, and availability. And if we don’t pause to count the cost, we may find ourselves halfway in, overwhelmed, depleted, or unintentionally neglecting the very things God has called us to prioritize.

Counting the cost isn’t unromantic.
It’s mature, loving and obedient to God. 

Three Kinds of Capacity to Consider

1. Emotional Capacity

Ask yourself honestly:

• Am I emotionally regulated, or am I hoping dating will regulate me?
• Am I healed enough to discern red flags, or am I ignoring them because I’m tired of being alone?
• Do I have emotional space for someone else’s story, needs, and imperfections?
• Is your child emotionally ready for you to date, even if they are too young to understand, are they in a season where they need you around them more and not less in order to feel safe and secure?

If every conversation feels like effort…
If your patience is already thin…
If your nervous system is constantly on edge…

It may not be a “no forever,” but it may be a “not yet.”

2. Spiritual Capacity

Ecclesiastes reminds us:

“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Ask:

• Is this a season of pruning, healing, or rebuilding?
• Am I consistently connected to the Lord, or spiritually running on fumes?
• Is dating drawing me closer to God—or quietly pulling me away?

There are seasons where God asks us to tend the soil before planting again. That is not punishment. That is preparation.

3. Logistical Capacity

This is where honesty matters most.

Consider:

• Do I have reliable childcare, or am I scrambling every time a plan is made?
• Do cancellations create anxiety, guilt, or tension?
• Is my schedule already maxed out between work, parenting, school events, and rest?

A dating partner—especially one without children—will eventually feel the strain if logistics are constantly fragile. And resentment can quietly grow on both sides if margin doesn’t exist.

Healthy Dating Frequency: Less Can Be More

There is no biblical rule about how often to date—but wisdom suggests moderation.

For many single parents:

• Once a month allows space for discernment and reflection.
• Every other week can work if strong support systems exist.
• Weekly dating often becomes unsustainable unless life is unusually stable.

More dates do not equal more clarity.
Sometimes they can even create more noise.

Dating should add to your life, not exhaust it.

When Not to Date (Even If You Want To)

This part requires courage. So do a few pushups or belt out a power ballad if that helps! 

You may need to pause dating if:

• You are consistently overwhelmed or emotionally reactive
• Your child is in a tender or transitional season
• You are grieving, exhausted, or spiritually disconnected
• You are hoping someone else will carry what God is asking you to carry

Scripture reminds us:

“Each one should test their own actions… for each one should carry their own load.”
(Galatians 6:4–5)

Dating is not meant to be a substitute for support, healing, or identity. Another person cannot carry your load and should not be asked to.

Margin Is Not a Luxury—It’s a Protection

Margin protects:

• Your heart
• Your child’s sense of stability
• The other person from unrealistic expectations
• And your relationship with the Lord

Choosing to wait until you have margin is not weakness, it is wisdom and proper stewardship of the time and energy the Lord has granted you.

If you’re unsure, bring the question to God:

“Lord, do I have the capacity to steward this well right now?”

He is faithful to answer. 

In the next post, we’ll talk about community, accountability, and discernment, because single-parent dating was never meant to be done alone. 

Proverbs 11:14 teaches us, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” 

May God continue to give you wisdom and keep you safe in your single parent dating journey.